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PaperArtist_2014-04-11_11-32-42

I’m hitting my head ojibi jibi jibi Papa Ajasco style just imagining all the things I was going to do Chi Chi’s bleached yellow face when Henry snatched the bill, paid for the Isi – ewu’s without tipping her, grabbed my hand and led me away all of this within the space of 30 seconds. We got home, warmed the Isi-ewu, put on a nice movie and enjoyed the treat in the peace of our home.

Another life saved, another day lived.

*****

It’s a blistering hot afternoon and I’m at my banks ATM, there’s a queue but I don’t mind. Ideally I would have moved on to another banks ATM but I’m out on lunch break and not in a hurry to return to the office.  Everyone’s eating and oh! the smell of asaro. Hunger can turn the plainest food into a delicacy, Lol!

With less than 2 weeks to easter and less than 10 days of fast I’m finally feeling good. I weighed myself yesterday morning and I’ve lost the 2kg I added during the fast, hopefully I’ll start losing the original weight I started out with.

So I join the queue happily hoping all the gluttons in my office finish their lunch by the time I get back especially that witch called Susan. Imgine her coming into my office with barbecued chicken, grilled sweet potatoes and chef’s salad claiming she needed AC because hers isn’t working. My people imagine smoky barbecued chicken in a shut room with the AC on! I almost chopped off her head of course, I seem to be getting more aggressive these days. The saying “a hungry man is an angry man”…but I have never made it this far during Lent before, so hopefully I’ll complete this years 40 day fast. Best to stay out of my way especially when eating, handling, thinking or ordering food before 6pm. Susan came into my office and used my office line to order pounded yam and prawns in okra sauce from Yellow Chilli yesterday,  I will double that girls work load when I’m done with fasting, can’t do it now since it will be outright revenge. I have to make her pay one way or another when Lent is over whether she’s pregnant or not (evil villan laugh 😀 ).

Lost in my vengeful thoughts, five people in front of me when it happened. I was jolted out of my revere by that voice from my nightmare! “Caro! Caro! Hei Caroline, fancy bumping into you twice in 2 weeks!” Oh no! It was Mgbigion Bella! This girl has to be stalking me, no other way! Honestly one of these days I’ll build enough courage and ask my Dad why he let Mum name me Caro when names like Vanessa and Evelyn exist. Everyone turned to see a super trim skinny Bella stretching out two spindly hands towards a wonderfully endowed Caro. Like a switch all their eyes turned towards me and stayed on me. I wanted to melt into a size 1, instead I managed to maintain same excitement level as Bella.

We fake greet, fake hug, fake laugh, fake bid an unwilling goodbye and then it was one person in front of me. Finally I think, I get to leave here with all the annoying stares and a queue that sudddenly felt tighter than usual when a heavily bearded man walked confidently towards me. Through alomo stained teeth and agbo laden breath said “ello Caro…ave been sarshing for you hall my life…can I take you ome with me tunight?” Everything around me started to blurr, suddenly all I could see were his alomo stained teeth, Chi chi’s yellow bleached face sneering at me and the smell of some wicked red stew from the Mama put nearby, I lost it! I slapped him, he screamed I screamed! He stretched his hand to return the favour, men held him back, women held me back, a crowd gathered. The banks security scrambled to maintain order in front of the bank, when they couldn’t the bank shut down the ATM.

I returned to the office packed my things and passed through Spar on my way home. Henry was suprised when he got home at 5:30pm and found barbecued chicken,  grilled sweet potatoes served as dinner and a freshly baked spicy carrot tea loaf cooling on a rack. “Wow! Easter is early this year” he asked excitedly. I struggled to answer through mouthful of chicken I was tasting and he’s shocked. “Babe it isn’t 6pm yet”, I sit him down and over slices of spicy carrot tea loaf, his favourite tea and hearty laughter, I told him all about my dramatic day!

****

So I made a new resolution beginning of 2nd quater of the year, to find another way to loose weight other than through fasting. If I fast, I fast for the right reasons. Henry promises to support my weight loss plan since it’s such a burden. Starving in the guise of fasting left me hungry and angry so it was no longer an option. I got to find out later that my ATM toaster was Mr Gbadura, an area fada chieftain I shook my head, I’ve suffered.  I plan how to pay back my parents for naming me Caro especially my Mum who has denied being the culprit since the release of Starboy/Wizkid song but I know it’s her doing because her grandma was also Caroline. A beautiful pristine lady, how I didn’t take after her model like figure as her namesake I will never know.

As for tonight, less than 10 days to the end of Lent I will relax with a cup of Chai tea and left over slices of my super moist tea loaf and  watch my favourite TV show. This is the longest I have fasted through Lent, perhaps next year for the right reasons and God’s grace I will make it to the finish line. The twins are gonna have to find another way to come home next week with 1st positions in their respective classes like their older sister whether I starved fasted for them or not, loosing weight is gonna have to happen through a diet and regular gym trips with Henry’s support.

I relax after settling all my conflicting thoughts and plan my Mama put red stew lunch tomorrow,  I’ve got some catching up to do!

🙂

THE END.

That’s all folks!

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